The Conversations We Avoid

A companion post to Wonder & Wander, Episode 9

I learned early how to leave a conversation before it got hard.

Not physically. I stayed in the room. But some part of me would slip away — find a way to not fully be there — the moment things started to get real. In fact, there are times where I still end up doing this.

A lot of men learn this. It's a survival skill. And like most survival skills, it eventually costs you something.

The Conversation That Changed Things

The moment I think about most when it comes to leaning into hard conversations is the shift in my relationship with my parents after I started setting boundaries as an adult.

That was one of the hardest things I've done. And it coincided with the season when my beliefs began to change — which made it even more layered.

Change of any kind is uncomfortable for everyone involved. Setting a boundary doesn't just change the dynamic for you. It changes it for the people around you too. And they don't always welcome that.

What It Cost and What It Produced

There was real discomfort in those conversations. Tension. Some silence. Some friction I didn't know how to hold.

But leaning into that discomfort produced something new. A more honest relationship. One built on something real, not on avoidance.

I hope I can keep doing that — keep leaning in when the easy thing would be to slip away. My future self, I think, will be grateful.

The Invitation

The conversations we avoid are usually the ones that matter most.

That's not a coincidence. The stakes make us want to protect ourselves. But protection comes with a cost — and often, the longer we wait, the bigger that cost grows. The irony here is that the thing we fear sometimes becomes our reality the longer we wait to address things. One of the themes of Wonder & Wander is becoming the bison. What do I mean by that? It means, running into the storm, rather than away from it. All the other animals of the Great Plains run away hoping to avoid the storm. The reality is that they end up staying in the storm longer. To be the bison means charging into the storm. It might not be pleasant, but it sure has benefits!

A Question to Sit With

What's a conversation you've been putting off — with a partner, a parent, a friend, yourself — that you know needs to happen? What would it take to take one small step toward it this week?

—

Listen to Episode 9 of Wonder & Wander on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, and follow the show so you never miss a conversation.