The Weight We Carry

A companion post to Wonder & Wander, Episode 2

I was in grad school the first time someone asked me to breathe into my stomach.

We were in class. The instructor asked us to breathe with intention — to feel the breath move down into the belly. Simple enough, right?

I couldn't do it.

I tried. I genuinely tried. And nothing happened. My chest moved. My shoulders rose. But my stomach stayed still.

I remember sitting there quietly alarmed. What was wrong with me? Was this something every person could do naturally and I had somehow missed it? Had I broken something? Was there a reason my body wouldn't cooperate with something this basic?

I didn't say any of that out loud. I just sat there, confused, and moved on.

It took years to understand

Nobody explained it to me that day. And honestly it took years — years of training, of learning about the nervous system, of discovering somatic work and breathwork — before I finally understood what had happened in that classroom.

My body wasn't broken. It was braced.

It had been carrying something for a long time. And when a body carries weight for long enough — real weight, the kind that accumulates quietly over years — it adjusts. The nervous system shifts into a kind of low-grade alert. Muscles stay slightly contracted. Breathing moves up high, into the chest, shallow and quick. Ready for whatever comes next.

It becomes so normal you stop noticing it. You think that's just how breathing works. That's just how your body feels. That's just you.

It isn't. It's weight. And your body has been holding it.

What the body is trying to tell you

Here's what I've come to understand — and what I wish someone had told me in that grad school classroom.

The breath is one of the most honest things about you.

Not what you say. Not how you present. The breath. Because you can manage your face and your words and your posture. But the breath tells the truth about where you actually are.

Shallow, high, chest-only breathing is often the body's way of saying it has been on alert for a long time. That it's carrying more than it's letting on. That somewhere along the way it learned to stay braced — and never quite got the signal that it was safe to let go.

A lot of men live there without knowing it. I did for years.

A simple thing to try

I'm not going to give you a breathing routine. This isn't that kind of post.

But I'll offer this.

Right now — put one hand on your chest and one on your stomach. Take a breath. Notice where it goes.

If it goes to your chest and your stomach barely moves, that's information. Not a diagnosis. Not something to fix right this second. Just something to notice.

Because noticing is where it starts. Not with a breakthrough. Not with a program. Just with a moment of paying attention to what your body has been quietly carrying.

Everything changed for me when I finally understood what was happening. Not all at once. But the door opened.

Maybe it opens a little for you here too.

One question to sit with

When did you last actually check in with your body — not your schedule, not your responsibilities, but your physical self? What did you find?

Wonder & Wander is a weekly campfire podcast for men. New episodes every Wednesday.

Listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

Mat Wuebben is a licensed counselor and the founder of Greer Counseling in Greer, South Carolina.